Pairing: Angel/Spike
Summary: Spike returns to make trouble for Angel, only to discover more than he imagined.
Spoilers: None really. Takes place just after the events of "In the Dark" in Season 1 of Angel. This story goes totally AU after the final scene in the episode.
Warnings: Nothing that screams out.
Disclaimer: The guy we refer to as God, Joss Whedon, created them. We just took them out to play.
Distribution: Loving Angel LJ (http://www.livejournal.com/community/loving_angel_69). If you want it, just ask.
Author's Notes: Please, Please, Please . This is our second story and it's a sequel to "A Bit More Time," which can be found here - http://www.livejournal.com/community/loving_angel_69/19438.html. We want to thank Lori, our 'bookman' for taking the time to read over our story and offering suggestions and grammatical help. Also want to thank Terrie and Trish for giving it a read through for us.
Feedback: FieryDemise and AngelSpike69
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* Flashback *
After his plans to get the Gem of Amara go awry, Spike rants and paces in the empty warehouse.
"Son of a bitch! - I do the work, - I do the digging, - fight off a Slayer, - drive to LA, hire the help, - and what do I get? - ROYALLY SCREWED, is what! - Well that cinches it. No more partners. From now on I'm my own man. A lone wolf. Sole survivor. Look out, here comes Spike! The baddest mother."
Suddenly, Spike feels that something is wrong. He reaches to the top of his head and realizes that his hair is on fire. While he is furiously stomping and shouting, he stepps into a beam of sunlight coming through one of the bullet holes in the ceiling. He ducks out of the way and pats his head to put the fire out. Once that is done, he just stands there, totally dejected, and crumples to the floor, head in hands.
"Dammit, some vampire I am. I had a plan. A good plan. But it all falls apart. I still lose the ring. I just bet Angel is back in his apartment laughing at me. Wondering what kind of a vampire he sired. Dammit all. Why can't I do anything right? Damn Marcus. Angel was right. Never should have trusted the SOB. Should have known better. This wouldn't have happened to Angelus, or Angel for that matter."
Spike continues ranting, "Dammit all to hell. I had Angel right there. All tied and trussed up like a Thanksgiving Day turkey, and he still wins the day. Soddin' white hat. Probably right now, sitting back in his office, laughing about his stupid childe and how he can't do anything right."
"What do I do now? Guess I can head back to Sunnydale. Cause some more trouble for the Slayer and her band of merry do-gooders."
He mulls over the thought of going back and finishing things with the Slayer until it hit him. There's always time for the Slayer and her lot, he thought. Now what would really be interesting is to stick around and make my Sire's life a living hell. Haven't caused him true heartache since forever. Time he learns that I'm the Big Bad, especially now that he wants to play nancy-boy detective. Time he learns what kind of trouble I can truly cause. If he thought that situation with Marcus and the pokers was something, wait until he sees what I can do all by myself! Spike sneered as he puffed on his cigarette, Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Mix some Big Bad with Poof and voila instant fun! The swagger was unmistakably Spike at his Big Bad best, and the Sex Pistol tune he was humming set just the right mood for some chaos.
* End of Flashback *
Spike makes his way through the tunnels back toward the office building that Angel and his crew shared. The thought of seeing Angel's face again so soon was worth making a wrong turn and wandering lost in the sewers for an hour. He's not going to let anything damper his enthusiasm. He's had a string of bad luck recently. Dru leaving him for a *CHAOS* demon of all things. Then him stupidly taking up with that half-wit Harm and her incessant nagging about Paris. Bloke just couldn't get a break, but tonight I'm going to change all of that when I walk through the door and bring Angel's world down on his pompous arse!
Getting in was easy enough. Spike recognized the access door that leads into Angel's living area from when he came searching for the ring earlier. He cautiously lifts the iron covering, listening and sniffing the air. He realizes that Angel isn't nearby and silently enters the apartment. He casually looks through Angel's belongings before walking up the stairs. This time when he sniffs the air, he can smell Angel. He immediately quirks an eyebrow, a smile of realization spreading across his face. He can hear a muffled voice coming from Angel's office. He stalks to the closed door prepared to barge in, hoping to catch the broody git in a compromising situation. Spike pushes the door open and is just about to call Angel some scathing name, when he is stopped short by what Angel is doing.
Bloody Hell! Angel is indeed in a compromising situation, his pants are down and he is wanking off! His head is thrown back. His eyes are closed tightly and he is saying the dirtiest things. Well, well, well. My bloody Sire's not so perfect after all! Jerking off in the office, oh this is too good. Spike can't wait to get back to break the news to Angel's precious Slayer! Oh the confusion that will cause! Spike can't believe his luck. Wonder what the Poof likes to jerk off to these days? Before it was all about the pain, torture, the art of it all, which really meant creative ways for Dru and I to get the snot beat out of us. Now seems he's all about love and piercing blue eyes. Spike snickers. Piercing blue eyes. The last time I checked, the Slayer's eyes were green. I thought me old Sire couldn't shag anyone without losing that Soul. Someone's been a very naughty vampire.
Let's see. who could the big clod be shagging these days? Maybe it's Cordelia, she's looking good, LA definitely agrees with her. I was shocked to see her here, she and Angel were never close in Sunnydale. He dismisses this thought. Nah can't be her, she's got brown eyes. It's certainly not the Mick that's helping him out. Angelus would have gone for him in a heartbeat, but certainly not Angel. His soul certainly wouldn't let him do that ... he'd have been in brood overload with that.
He must really be enjoying himself if he didn't even sense me as soon as I came in the building, let alone standing right here in his doorway, Spike thought. Angel always taught me to guard my perimenter better than that. This bint must be some gal if just thoughts of her has him this distracted. I think I'll just stand here a while and see what happens. He's bound to sense me soon. Can't wait to see the look of surprise on his face. This will be so good.
Spike stood very still, leaning against the doorframe watching while Angel jerks himself off and listens to him moaning words like piercing blue eyes, hot pokers, flat, hard chest. Flat, hard chest? What the bleedin' hell? Well, it seems the mighty souled vampire has flipped sides on us. The Slayer will just love that piece of news when I tell her. Can't wait to see the look in her eyes when she hears that she's been replaced, and by a bloke no less. Boy, my day is just getting better and better.
Watching Angel writhing and moaning in his chair is a sight to see. To his amazement, Spike realizes that what he is seeing was having an effect on him. It's been a while since I've seen old Angelus like this ... er Angel that is. This is better than an episode of 'Passions,' Spike thinks, moving his hand down to his crotch to readajust himself. He let his hand linger there for just a few moments gently massaging his cock, which is getting harder at every moan that Angel utters.
His hand stills to an occasional rub. Actually, now that I think about it, I've never seen Angel like this. Who could possibly have him this worked up? The way he's yanking himself, bloke must be a nice piece of ass indeed. Course there used to be a time that I could get him going like that.
Spike stares off with a far away look in his eyes before shaking himself back to now. Been so many years, centuries even since we did that. Don't hardly think about it anymore. He was distracted from his thoughts by what Angel is now doing. Ooh looky here, he's turned his chair around and moved it closer to ... is he rubbing against the wall?! Spike threw his head back and let out a low chuckle at Angel's desperate attempt to relieve himself. Looks like me old Sire still isn't getting any good ass. This bloke obviously isn't giving it to him the way he needs. Good! Okay ... where did that come from? Why would I even care who is giving it to Angel or how?" A slow frown creases Spike's brow. "Could it be possible I still want to give the poncy git some action?
So many questions, and none of them are what Spike wants to think about at the moment. Never one for introspection, Spike is a man of action. Let Angel sit and ponder the myriad possibilities, I deal with the here and now. Here, standing watching Angel jerking that lovely cock. Now, feeling very horny and wanting to play. Problem solved. Take care of those other nagging thoughts later.
Decided on his course of action, Spike slowly unzipps his pants and slips a hand down to touch himself. Not bothering to wear underwear left him no need to pull his jeans all the way down to reach himself. He is building up to a nice slow rub when something Angel moans brings him out of his voyeurism. Come again mate? Spike leans forward, straining to hear the soft words hidden in the moans. As if getting closer would make the words more tangible. There it was again, he did say it! Angel had just said 'Don't stop, give it to me harder SPIKE!' My name falling from those lips in ecstasy made my legs weak and I stagger against the wall.
This can't be happening, we HATE one another. He took Dru from me when he lost his soul to the bitch Slayer. I sat in that wheelchair seething while the two of them shagged their brains out in front of me, and I couldn't do a bloody thing! Son of a bitch! How can this be happening? For a moment Spike steps forward as if to tackle and beat the hell out of him, when Angel starts to speak again. Stopped once more by Angel's passionate use of his name, this time Spike doesn't stay to hear what Angel has to say. He turns in a swirl of black leather, not making a sound and stalks from the office. Angel's words tinged with pain and regret dance in the still air, "I need you Spike, I always have."
What the fuck?! Am I hearing right? Angel is actually jerking off to thoughts of me? That doesn't make sense. Spike paces back and forth, throwing himself down in a chair in the reception area. Bouncing his leg up and down, drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair. Soon, he's back up pacing again, still hearing Angel moaning in his office. Thought for sure if Angel was going to be fantazing about anyone it would be the Slayer. But me, what the bleedin' hell?
Spike just can't wrap his mind around what he's discovered He stalks back to Angel's office, intent on making his presence known and getting some damn answers. As he gets closer to the office, he hears Angel once again. What he hears makes him stumble into the doorframe. "Don't stop, Spike! Harder Spike! Oh God, fuck me harder . faster, Please Spike!"
Totally flumoxed, Spike doesn't know what to do. He stands riveted, mouth hanging open, taking in the sight of a now standing Angel, pounding into his fist, calling out Spike's name in desperate need and longing. Spike can't help it, he feels himself getting hard again at the scene before him. He remembers the passion; the way he and Angelus would go at each other constantly throughout the days and nights. Never tiring of one another, never getting bored. They would fuck til the sun came up, but he'd never heard quite the longing or the need in Angelus that he was hearing from Angel right now. Spike closes his eyes to the memories suddenly resurfacing of his heart aching and pining for things that could never be. Such a long life with so many regrets.
Watching the scene in front of him, Spike can't help but feel a spark of something ignite within him. He'd always loved Angelus, even knowing that his sire didn't quite return his feelings. Sure Angelus cared for him, lusted after him, but it wasn't the same. When Angelus left him, he broke a little. Then seeing Angelus again in Sunnydale, his hopes were once again dashed. Angel wanted nothing to do with him. But no matter what Spike did, Angel never staked him. Spike wondered why that was. Could it possibly be that Angel did care for him, want him, possibly even love him?
With no control over his hand, he feels it again begin to wrap around his raging cock. He slides his hands up and down, circling the head and moving back down. Soon, he's thrusting into his fist matching Angel's rhythm thrust for thrust. So much wasted time. But maybe it's not too late, Spike thinks while continuing to fist his cock. He moves his hands down to his balls, massaging them, all the while never taking his eyes off the vsion in front of him. He feels his balls start to draw up and he knows that he's going to cum very soon. He wants to cum at the same moment that Angel does; like he used to do. He wants to feel Angel's fangs in his neck as as his seed erupts. He wants to pierce Angel's neck with his own fangs, watching his sire's cum spilling from his engorged cock. He wants to lick Angel clean, take in all that he is.
Spike sniffs the air again and realizes that Angel isn't going to last much longer, so Spike speeds up the ministrations on his cock. He has to bite his lip to keep quiet and not give himself away. When he hears Angel scream out his name, Spike knows he's done for. As Angel howls his name, Spike bites down on his bottom lip harder, and cums in a rush all over his hand. He immediately runs his tongue over his fingers, savoring the taste. As Spike comes back down to earth, he sees Angel just sitting there. Brooding again I see. Spike sees Angel moving; getting ready to turn his chair around. Spike quickly tucks himself back into his jeans, adjusts his duster, and leans nochalantly against the doorframe. No need for Angel to know how much Spike saw.
Finally Angel turns completely around to the front of his desk, looking up to see Spike there. If he had any color in his face, Spike swears that Angel would now be white as a ghost. Spike supresses a laugh at this and does what he does best.
Tilting his head suggestively, quirking that scarred eyebrow for further effect he softly asks, "So Luv, you done thinking about me, yet?"
"Spike!" Angel hisses.
"Angel." Spike calmly responds.
"What the hell are you doing back here?"
"Thought you owed me, seeing as how you lost my ring. I came for you to pay up." Spike studies a nail nonchantly.
"Are you crazy? I owe you?" Angel sputters, unable to believe the gall of his wayward childe.
"Yeah, you owe me. I had a plan Angel and you had to cock it up with your do-gooder attitude. How the mighty Angelus has fallen."
At the mention of the word 'cock' Angel quickly shifts his attention to study the papers on his desk. Looking at the desk reminds him of what he just finished doing, so he brings his arms up and folds them across his chest. Spike is watching all of this play out trying not to smile. Oh Angel, I know where you live now, Spike smugly thinks. He saunters further into the room and sits on the edge of Angel's desk. Let's see how he handles the close contact. Angel immediately moves to stand at the other end of the desk.
Angel passes a hand over his face. "Look Spike, just tell me why you're here? We don't have anything to say to one another."
"I've been wondering something Angel. Why haven't you staked me yet? Why allow me to remain in Sunnydale with your precious Slayer?"
If Angel was expecting anything, judging from the look on his face, it wasn't this. He thought Spike would have another ill-conceived plan. That I could deal with. How am I supposed to answer him? Angel felt like an exposed nerve. All of his senses heightened. He felt vulnerable, naked, like Spike was looking into his mind. How many times had he wondered the same thing? He knew Spike liked to cause nothing but trouble for Buffy and if he could slip in some for Angel, even better. Wouldn't everyone be better off with no Spike to worry about? He didn't have a soul and he is evil, or as evil as Spike can be anyway. Truth is, Angel thought Spike was more like Puck than evil. Always causing mischief, then sitting back and watching his plans play out. Well I'm not playing along this time! Spike isn't going to trick me into admiting something I'm not even certain I feel. I'm not about to tell Spike that no matter what he did, I couldn't bring myself to kill him and I wouldn't allow anyone else to either.
Spike sat patiently waiting for an answer. When Angel continued to stare straight ahead not acknowledging him, Spike just watched his face. Every emotion that he was feeling showed on that familiar face, confusion the main one. Just by looking at him, Spike could tell that Angel was struggling with himself. Should I dare tell Spike how I feel or toss him out on his arse? This is too easy! Come on man, put some Angelus into it. Give me something to work with. Oh look, he's coming around. Let me get my face together, I need to look like I'm eagerly waiting for his every word.
Angel closes the distance between them, coming up close to Spike, staring into his eyes. "Spike, I don't expect you to understand or care, but I'm trying to do something good here and you're messing things up. I don't want you showing up making things difficult for me and my people. You could have gotten Cordy, Doyle and Oz killed. Not to mention that you allowed a sadistic vampire pedophile to steal the Gem of Amara and roam the streets invincible. I don't want to hurt you. I'd rather you just go away. But if you come at me and mine again, you won't get the chance to ask the same question twice." They shared a long look, then Angel brushed passed Spike and left the office.
Spike stood there watching Angel storm out of his office into the reception area. Angel just stood there looking around wildly. It was almost as if he was looking for a place to hide. He couldn't leave by the front door, since it was the middle of day. Bet he goes running down to his apartment..
Sure enough, that's where Angel headed. Spike just laughed and followed him. When he reached the apartment, he found Angel pacing the floor mumbling to himself. Spike strode up to Angel, grabbed his arm and spun him around to face him.
"You stupid Irish git!" Spike yelled. "You think if I had wanted your band of merry do-gooders dead, they'd still be walking around right now? You should know me better than that Angel. But I guess you don't know me as well as you claim. Angelus certainly would have known."
Angel looked at Spike. "Then what is this all about Spike? What is it that you want? Please enlighten me. If it's the ring you want, it's too late. I've already destroyed it. So why don't you leave me alone. Go on your merry way, and cause your mayhem and destruction elsewhere. I'm not in the mood for your shenanigans right now."
Spike looked at Angel, smirking. He had him. "Then what are you in the mood for Angel? Another round of spank the monkey?"
Angel just stared at Spike completely stunned. Oh my God! He saw. How much did he see? What did he hear?
Spike continued standing there watching the sheer panic sweep across Angel's face. Now this is fun, he thought, trying to suppress the grin that was struggling to come out. I can just imagine what he's thinking. He's wondering how much I saw and heard. I could let him off the hook, but where would the fun be in that? Let's see how much more fun I can have with this.
"Oh, I believe I saw and heard quite enough, Peaches. There's nothing wrong with a bloke trying to relieve a bit of tension every now and then. Done it myself a few times. I imagine for you it's one of the only ways you can get pleasure these days . what with the curse and all."
Angel tries to say something. He feels his mouth moving, but nothing is coming out. Finally he just falls into the chair closest to him, putting his head back on the head rest, willing Spike to leave. If he is truthful with himself, he doesn't want Spike to leave. But he is damned if he is going to tell him that. God! How sexy does Spike looked standing there in his leather duster, thumbs hooked into the waistband of his black jeans, the rest of his fingers splayed over the zipper of his pants, pointing toward the direction of unseen pleasure. God, how I want to grab him by the waist, pull him into my lap, and have him straddle me. No, don't think like that Angel.
Spike continues watching Angel, noticing the bulge rising in Angel's trousers, laughing inwardly. Looks like old Angel wants another round.
"The question is Angel, who were you fantasizing about that put you in such a state in the first place?" Spike asks while walking toward Angel.
"That's none of your business Spike," Angel says. Good, at least I got my voice back, but it will be a cold day in hell before I say anything about that to Spike.
"Let's see ." Spike muses while continuing to walk towards Angel sitting stiffly in the chair. "It could have been the Slayer. That would have been my first guess until you started mumbling about piercing blue eyes. We both know the Slayer's eyes are green."
"So then I figure old Angel boy had himself a new girl. I thought it was the nice piece of fluff you got working for you at first, but she's got beautiful brown eyes. So I crossed her off the list. Then you started mumbling something about a flat, hard chest. Well I'll tell ya Angel that surprised me. Figured since you got your soul and all, you weren't batting for the other team. But the Mick you got working with ya don't seem like your type at all. Angelus would have loved having a spot of fun with him, but not you."
Spike continued his musings to Angel, all the while working his way behind his chair. He knew that Angel was wondering what he was up to, but that's what made it so fun . having Angel so off kilter. Spike stopped when he was directly behind Angel, bent down close to his ear and whispered, "What was it you said about hot pokers, Peaches?"
Spike could see a shiver pass through Angel when he said that last bit. "Don't tell me that you actually enjoyed that bit of torture Angel? Didn't think you had it in you anymore since you got that soul." Before standing up, Spike ran his tongue around the rim of Angel's ear, pausing to take a nip of his earlobe. Angel shivered again, and Spike definitely saw a continued rising in Angel's groin.
Spike watched the flesh on Angel's neck tighten into goose bumps. Angel turned his head slowly to stare at Spike. They were very close, too close. Spike could see tiny flecks of amber in Angel's eyes. He stood up and pulled back. He hadn't expected Angel to be so direct. Spike thought he would try and run again. Angel was just full of surprises today. The room was very quiet, both vampires perfectly still. They warily watched one another.
Finally Angel stood, running his hands through his hair. He turned his back to Spike, leaned his head against the wall and let out a sigh. It was Spike's turn to shiver. I've always loved the way he sighs. It feels like cool mist in the air and I just want it to envelope me. Don't run Angel ... turn around and face me. Don't leave me again. Squaring his shoulders, Angel did just that. He turned and looked at Spike. His eyes were wet, glistening with unshed tears.
"Spike, I-I don't know how to do this. Things aren't the way they used to be between us. Before I would use my being your Sire to make you do what I wanted. Now I don't even know what that is! Seeing you again brought up all these feelings, not just about us but about me. I'm not supposed to be happy, I'm supposed to suffer for all my sins. Okay fine, I've accepted that. I'm trying to atone. I've even managed to build a family. I'm doing the best I can, but it doesn't feel like enough. I want more. I need more. Before you came to LA, I had no idea I - I was lonely. I thought I was getting along fine. So maybe Cordy and Doyle don't understand me completely, but I know they care about me. They love me Spike.
"Angel, what about Buffy? She loves you." The question was hushed, almost too low for Angel to hear. I don't know why I even asked the question. I didn't really care about the Slayer, but I felt it needed to be asked. I thought he wasn't going to answer me, but finally he did.
"Yes, Buffy loves me, but she doesn't know me. I can't be with her. We both know this. I don't think I'll lose my soul again, but when I'm with her I lose myself. I did what she wanted, when she wanted it. When I finally got up enough courage to leave Sunnydale, it was for both of us. I found purpose here. I want her to have a chance at a normal life and she wouldn't have done that with me around."
Spike had heard enough. He walked over to Angel and grabbed him hard. "Do you hear yourself? The Slayer wasn't meant to have a normal life. How the hell can her life be normal, she kills vampires and demons every day! Come on mate, think! You should have stayed and tried to make it work. Look at me and Dru. I loved her with all I had and when she left, I followed her..".
Angel scoffed. "But she didn't come back to you Spike."
"That may be true but that's not the point Angel, I tried. What did you do but walk away to find yourself.? He spat the word out like bad blood.
"After 200 hundred years of living if you don't know who you are, then you never will." Spike didn't want to admit to himself why he was so upset with Angel.
"It's not that simple Spike. I couldn't risk hurting her again. I couldn't let that happen."
"Angel, you just said yourself that that couldn't happen again. Your soul is safe."
"I'm not just talking about my soul Spike, I'm talking about everything. I felt like I was going to suffocate trying to be something I'm not! Don't you understand? I couldn't be that perfect boyfriend. I've raped and killed girls Buffy's age just for the hell of it." He was shaking as he said this.
"Angel you have a soul. Why can't you see that what you did without one is not who you are today?"
"Are you kidding me, is that what you think? Do you honestly think that?" Angel had moved from the wall so fast Spike almost didn't see him. He was standing in front of Spike with a wild glint in his eyes.
Spike didn't back down. "Yeah mate that's what I think, what of it?"
Angel grabbed Spike, gripping his arms tightly. "Let me tell you what I was thinking about when Marcus was torturing me. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about you and how I wanted you to torture me." Angel was practically screaming in Spike's shocked face.
"I couldn't stop thinking about the heat burning my skin, I liked it Spike. I wanted more and when you started in on me, I wanted to cum. That's how turned on I was. Every thrust, every tear, I liked it! I wanted you to do more. Now does that sound like someone who should be allowed to love? Does it?" He threw Spike away from him and headed for the door.
Spike took two quick steps, grabbing Angel's hand just as tight. "No! Angel, that's what you do every time you have to deal with your emotions. You're so damned repressed! Just let go. Stay and talk to me. I understand how you feel. You're my f-family." Spike stumbled over the last words not knowing if he wanted to admit to thinking of Angel as family. But if the Poof could admit to being turned on at the thought of me torturing him, then I can admit to this.
"Don't look so surprised. We are family. You sired me. Although you may not be the Scourge of Europe now, you can still strike fear when you brood." That made Angel smile a little. Good. The sight was so rare, that Spike reached out to touch his face, hesitating at the last moment. He didn't know what to do with his raised hand, so he just lowered it back to his side.
Angel searched the familiar face. Looking into those bottomless eyes made him feel like he was falling. He reached out to grab hold of something, anything - Spike. He took the lowered hand, pressed it against his lips and kissed the palm. He laid his lips flat against the soft skin. He could smell cigarettes and ash. Somehow that seemed appropriate. He was already burning; might as well burn for something he wanted. The lingering touch of Angel's lips against the palm of his hand made Spike press in closer. Angel moved to meet him resting his cheek against the side of Spike's face. He brought his mouth close to Spike's ear and whispered, "I won't leave you again."
Spike pulled back at those words, looking at Angel . daring to hope, but afraid to. Spike's mind was awhirl with thoughts and doubts. He asked his question silently. What's so different now Angel that makes you say that? Spike desperately wanted to ask so many things, but was afraid to put a voice to them. Looking back into those sad brown eyes, Spike knew that at this moment, Angel meant what he said. But what of weeks or months, or even years, from now? Would Angel still feel the same? Would he still want to stay? He certainly didn't have a very good track record.
Spike was afraid. Yes, I admit it, alright. The Big Bad was scared. Spike was willing to admit to himself that he didn't like to be alone. He needed to be needed. What frightened Spike the most was six months down the road, or maybe even years from now, when Angel would no long want him. I really don't think I could take him leaving again. But the question Spike had to answer for himself was - Am I willing to take that chance?
Angel returned Spike's look. He knew that he had stunned Spike with his confession. He could see the hope, confusion, and doubt on his striking face. He knew that Spike was afraid to trust him again, and he knew that Spike had just cause for that mistrust. I mean, come on Angel, look how you treated him in the past, especially when you were both living in Sunnydale. How can I convince him that I meant all that? I'm not sure that there is anything I can really say that will totally convince him, but I have got to find a way to prove to my boy how sincere I am. Angel's mind began to race from one obstacle to another. So much lay ahead for them to overcome - Cordy and Doyle were just the first problem. What about the Powers That Be - what would betheir reaction to this? Could he still be their champion? Could he still seek redemption? Most importantly, how would this work with Spike soulless? That is the bigger question. Well I can't worry about that right now. The main concern in front of me is Spike and convincing him.
Angel raised his hand to brush it gently across Spike's cheek, but Spike grabbed it, stopping him. Angel began to speak, but Spike placed his finger to Angel's lips to prevent him. The touch sparked a fire within Angel that had already been smoldering since he looked up to see Spike standing in the doorway of his office. It was a fire he missed. It was a conflagration he didn't want see extinguished. Angel understood Spike's silent request and didn't speak. He knew Spike was gathering his thoughts to say something. He stood there, with his hands at his side, holding a breath he didn't need to take, waiting for Spike to speak.
Spike grasped Angel's hand and led him to the couch, gently pushing him down . Angel is surprised when Spike sits down next to him, still holding his hand. Spike doesn't want to let go of Angel's hand. He wants to hold onto it like a life preserver. There's so much he wants to tell Angel, but is afraid he'll just sink.
"Angel ." Spike starts to speak. God this is hard. Talking to each other was never one of our strong suits in the past . fucking and feeding was what we were good at. But I must say this.
"What is it Spike?" Angel inquires. Again, Spike places a finger to Angel's lips silencing him.
"Just let me say my peace, Angel. Please. If you interrupt, I-I may not be able to say this." Spike pleads. Angel nods in understanding.
"I know that right now you believe everything you've told me. I want to believe it too, Angel. But can we really get past everything that has happened between us? Can we get past all the disappointment, the guilt, the hatred?"
Angel starts to answer, but Spike shakes his head. "Let me finish and you'll be able to have your say, okay?" Angel just nods. He knows this is as hard for Spike, as it was for him when he confessed earlier. Angel takes Spike's hand in his to give him support and encouragement.
Spike looks down at his hand, engulfed in both of Angel's and sighes deeply. "Look, I understand why you left when you first got your soul. I may not have at first, but I do now. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but I do understand. But you didn't have to leave. You could have stayed with us, Dru and me. We would have worked it out, I know we could. It wouldn't have been easy, but hell Angel, when has anything been easy for us?
Angel looks surpised at this, but Spike continues, "Humans think that demons can't love, and maybe we can't. Not in the conventional sense that humans do. We love in our own way. I've never really hated you Angel. I was just hurt and confused when you left. Then I saw you again in Sunnydale and you had taken up with the Slayer. I was so happy to see you. But you didn't feel the same. You ignored me so I struck back the only way I knew. I wasn't going to allow you another chance to hurt me again. That is what concerns me now, but I am willing to try Angel. Can you do that? Can you truthfully say that you will give it an honest try and not run away when things get tough or you feel guilty about something?"
Spike looks up at Angel, and sees tears in his eyes. He takes his other hand and wipes away the tear before it falls. "To be honest Angel, I'm tired of being alone. I'm just not meant to be alone. I'm a social creature. I know you like your space to brood, but I miss my Sire and I want him back."
Angel looks up at Spike surprised. Spike just smiles, "No, not the raving lunatic that made an appearance in Sunnydale. I want you, Angel, soul and all. The question is do you want me? Are you willing to fight for it. Fight against your friends, the Powers That Be and anyone else who will try to stop this. You know it's not going to be easy and you have a habit of running when things get difficult."
Angel sat completely stunned. He didn't know how to respond.. He wasn't sure what he had expected Spike to say, but this certainly wasn't it. Could he do it? Could he do his job for the Powers and still seek his redemption? What about Cordy and Doyle? They weren't going to be happy about this. Then there was Spike. Would he be willing to give up his natural inclination to hunt and feed just to be with me? God, I don't want to think about this right now. I won't think about this, for once I'm going to let go. I'll worry about it later.
During his musings Angel noticed that Spike had bowed his head, staring at his lap. Angel places his hand under Spike's chin, raising the blonde head to look into those beautiful blue eyes. When their eyes meet, Spike can see the hope and promise waiting there. Spike closes his eyes as a smile reaches his mouth. He can feel Angel's finger tracing lightly over his lips. Spike slowly opens his eyes to see Angel move in closer, placing his lips to Spike's. Lips pressed softly together they remain that way, for what feels like forever.
Finally, Angel parts his lips, gently kissing Spike into his life.
The End